Welcome back to the blog!
Sharing something of my philosophy today.. we all have one, a unique collection of beliefs – about ourselves, others, life – that are the compass of our experience. The last eight years has invited me to connect with what I believe at the deepest level.
If you’re only learning about neurodiversity or specifics of neurodiverse relationships you’re missing loads
If you’re learning about relationships without neurodiversity, and in particular a lived experience lens, you’re missing vital perspectives
When I discovered neurodiversity in my relationship in 2014, I initially thought and then believed it was to blame for everything that was going wrong and had been going wrong for 15 years of my marriage. It explained so so much and I thought I’d found a holy grail after years of trying to work out what the problem was. Now I could firmly put the blame somewhere!
I also believed a lot of professionals and others who had walked the path ahead of me who told me that too, along with how little about its challenges would ever change or be any different. It was actually really disheartening and after a while I began to feel really lost and hopeless as my children’s neurodivergence became a part of the story too… what on earth was our life and their lives going to be like.
Since then, I’ve realised that maybe as little as 20% of what’s going on is related to neurodiversity, to navigating difference. 80%+ is other things and normal relationship challenges that we don’t have awareness or better ways for either. So, focusing solely on neurodiversity misses 80% of what’s going on.
Over the last 2-3 years it’s become clearer and clearer to me how important it is that any insights and support for those navigating neurodiverse relationships includes neurodiversity AND relationship dynamics.
The evidence to support this is getting clearer and clearer:
- CBT/talking therapy alone doesn’t work to resolve neurodiverse relationship issues – it can be validating but doesn’t create sustainable change
- Individual and relationship therapy without a neurodiverse lens/experience doesn’t work and often makes things worse
- Individual and relationship therapy focused solely on strategies to navigate the neurodiversity dimension of the relationship experience has limited and often short-term success
- Success and sustainable change is also limited with anything that’s missing the lived experience lens – academics haven’t lived it day in day out and in my experience their questions and proposed solutions rarely get to the root of all that!!
Most importantly then, unknown neurodiversity is a part of the issue, not all of what’s going on, so it’s vital to understand other contributing factors. In any coaching with me, we bring attention to those other contributing factors AND to navigating neurodiversity with its different ways of seeing, experiencing, learning and relating.
This is just one of the beliefs I’ve shared on my website here along with more highlights that inform my own life, my neurodiverse relationship and my coaching practice with individuals and couples in neurodiverse relationships. Maybe they’ll inspire something new for you too!
My biggest encouragement is to be open to the possibility of challenging and changing your thinking and beliefs about yourself and what’s going on around you. New awareness and thinking is the first big step to experiencing something different.
I’d love to hear what you think about this. How does any of this change your own thinking about your situation? Is there anything you’d like to explore further with me?
Book a complimentary call to discuss how private coaching can assist you to make the changes you desire or access support from me and other travel companions right now via Coaching in Community, with transformational and surprisingly fun coaching adventures that support your step by steps to reverse the impact of unknown neurodiversity, be YOU again and flourish – in your relationships and your life.
With love and a sprinkle of philosophical sparkle!
Photo credit: Elias Tigiser via Pexels