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Hello!

Mondays (or any days…but Mondays especially!) are a beautiful invitation for a check-in with yourself – is this something you ever do?

Hello! What am I feeling? 

How’s my energy? 

What do I need most today/this week? 

These questions and others like them didn’t live inside me for the first 40 years of my life.

I’d become other-ish and self-less

Many of us are so focused on others and all the things that we believe must be done, that attention to ourselves is at the bottom of the list so we never get to it or we’re not on the list at all!

At its smallest, attention towards yourself, might be saying a ‘Hello you!’ inside of yourself.

What a beautiful new way to honour yourself, to greet yourself in the morning or during the day?!

I invite and encourage you to honour yourself this way this week, gifting yourself a single moment of the day or a few moments in the day to acknowledge yourself with a ‘Hello you!’ accompanied by a single breath in and out if you like. This is a first practice in noticing yourself!

I remember how much frustration I experienced about not being seen, validated and understood by my partner… I learned and realised that I wasn’t honouring this for myself either.

“Your relationship with yourself is the foundation of all other relationships”

We need to acknowledge, honour, validate and understand ourselves if we want to create this kind of relationship and connection authentically with others. Seeing and noticing yourself is a first step on a journey towards loving yourself back to life.

‘Hello you!’

I see you. I understand how tough things are right now. I know you’re doing the best you can with the resources you have. You’re amazing. Perhaps these could become words you say to yourself a little more often from now on 💖

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Perhaps you already know you’re emotionally drained or it may be a new realisation. Perhaps this week, there is an opportunity for you to bring some attention to that. There are things we can stop doing to prevent draining more emotional energy and there are things we can do to replenish emotional energy, small at first when the emotional energy bucket’s empty.

Here’s some of the things I realised I was doing that were draining so much of my emotional energy every single day. If you recognise any, there’s an invitation to welcome in compassion rather than any possible judgement – you’ve been doing the best you can with the knowledge and resources you’ve had. Are you doing any of these?

😟 Feeling responsible for others’ ok-ness and feeling like I need to know everything about everything so that I can make sure everyone is alright and nothing can go wrong – this is known as co-dependence – ‘I’m ok if you’re ok’.

😡 Over-explaining and justifying to try to get others to understand something or do something – this is a form of defence mode.

😠 Trying to just keep going and going, ignoring what my body and emotions are trying to tell me. Judging myself as inadequate and some of my emotional experiences as bad – these are forms of dissociation, self-abandonment, self-neglect and emotional bypassing.

😳 Attempting to fix everything for everyone so that everyone is ok (or at least better than they are) and to avoid conflict or something going wrong for someone or so that someone doesn’t upset someone else – behind the scenes this looked like hypervigilance to step in as soon as something looks or feels like it’s about to go wrong and seeing/planning at least twenty steps ahead of all situations all the time – this is also co-dependence and control.

😟 Listening to others beyond the capacity I have energy for – this reflected my unhealthy boundaries

😖 Reacting to others’ emotional needs immediately they come up even if I’m doing something else – co-dependence and boundaries again

All of these are stress reactions. I thought they were all loving things to do!

Learning about these and about myself in relation to these (why I used these ways) was illuminating. Stopping doing these liberated me and began to restore emotional energy so I could use it in a healthier way for myself and with others. Recovering myself, healing the emotional wounds that caused me to have unhealthy boundaries, to become co-dependent, hypervigilant and self-less when life is stressful, confusing, uncertain and my needs aren’t being met was a doorway to restoring connection… with myself and with my loved ones too.

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There are different ways to handle all of these situations in ways that are healthier for you and for your relationships, ways that restore energy, wellbeing and connection.

Just as we need food/movement to fuel our physical health and wellbeing we need to fuel our emotional health and wellbeing too

Stopping the above ways reduces how much energy is being used and drained.

Here’s some ways to start to replenish emotional energy in small ways when you’re emotionally exhausted… allow these ways give you the emotional energy you need to refill with so you can feel emotionally resourced again… then you can connect and support emotionally from a more loving part of you:

🥰 Being honest with yourself about how you feel, not pushing thoughts/emotions away

🥰 Talking with others who have capacity to listen and understand, though this may also use more emotional energy so I often find that doing fun things or laughing with others replenishes me more than talking about the stuff that’s drained me already!… I do that later, when I have energy again for it!

🥰 Fresh air/open a window

🥰 Make a drink and sit down to have it

🥰 Sitting in your garden or somewhere in nature

🥰 Journalling

🥰 Simple creative activities like colouring or doodling

🥰 Doing something you enjoy, something that’s fun that you have capacity for, watching a favourite movie, reading something easy and short, listening to some favourite music

🥰 Tech free hour or day

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What resonates for you? What are you going to explore or try differently?

We often start things like this, we know logically it’s good for us… sustaining it every day, every week, forever is another matter and there’s reasons for that!!

For support with sustaining practices like this,book a complimentary call to discuss how private coaching can assist you to make the changes you desire or access support from me and other travel companions right now via Coaching in Community, with transformational and surprisingly fun coaching adventures that support your step by steps to reverse the impact of unknown neurodiversity, be YOU again and flourish – in your relationships and your life.

See you soon!

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Photo credit: David Bartus via Pexels

Natalie Roberts

Author Natalie Roberts

Natalie Roberts is an award-winning Master Coach and Mentor supporting individuals and couples in neurodiverse relationships in the UK and around the world. She coaches individuals and couples to reverse the impact of unknown neurodiversity and thrive so that they can be true to themselves and feel empowered to make decisions about their present and future that are positive and hopeful.

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