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I’ve been thinking all day that there’s something I’m supposed to do. Something I agreed to do yesterday for someone, Pete I think, but not sure what it is… maybe I did it already, maybe I’ll find out tonight what is was, or maybe it wasn’t anything?!

I am forgetful. Very forgetful. I’m full of forgets. I judged my forgetting so harshly for most of my life because it was judged so very harshly by others too. They all seemed to reinforce how awful this part of me was and how I hated it about myself. I realise now that I became so fearful of others judgements and reactions to my forgetting that I taught myself to remember all kinds of things I now regularly forget and numerous strategies to make sure nothing was forgotten. I walked on eggshells for years and this was part of the problem.

So much I’d like to forget that I can’t (like the four plus times my friend’s told me that her husband’s sister homeschools her children – like why can’t I forget that and it be new each time she tells me again?!) and so much I’m supposed to remember and don’t (like my friend’s birthday at the weekend and the thing I’m still sure I’m supposed to do to today!)

Now I embrace my forgetting – it’s kind of funny in our house these days, now that I accept it and Pete has capacity for it. When we were both in survival mode, there wasn’t room for it. Judgement has left the building! It’s also meant that my son, who is as forgetful as me, is loved for it not criticised, at least not by me anyway!! I used to judge it in him as much as myself… now I know it’s our nature and comes with the territory of a very whizzy, curious, scatterbrain kind of a brain! Hopefully that’s a generational pattern I’ve changed and he will embrace and focus on his creative thinking rather than his forgetting.

In our neurodiverse relationship, Pete and I have realised we’re both forgetful, but very differently forgetful – no surprises there! We both used to judge our own and each other’s version of forgetful harshly. Now we have sooo much more compassion for this in ourselves and each other. Our forgetting fuels our creativity and our entrepreneurship – forgetting comes with the territory of our gifts! We have capacity to help each other out with our forgetting and can laugh about it most of the time which is a completely different frame to live in with each other than we had before. Judgement is remedied with compassion and curiosity. Begin with yourself, then extend that compassion to others. Then slowly their walls can come down and they may begin to see themselves a little more as you now see them. Compassion goes a long long way. It heals drop by drop by drop.

Today I’m experiencing frustration with myself for forgetting and also doing my best to welcome in compassion at the same time – that judging myself blocks my creativity.

I am forgetful… I’m also very thoughtful – thought-full… full of thoughts, many many interesting ones, pretty much most of the time and it comes with a tendency for not-so-interesting ones and particularly short-term or practical ones to fall out of my head quickly! It’s why there’s often part of a meal missing or something missing from the shopping delivery – I wasn’t not paying attention. I was paying different attention at the time.

Embracing forgetful means all kinds of things are now forgotten. On the other hand it’s freed my mind to think in all of its naturally creative ways, no longer focused on remembering and always trying to avoid disappointing others with my forgetting.

I’ve shared more about my journey into acceptance of this trait of mine (that’s often included in the neurodivergence of ADHD – differently attentive than social norms typically accept, favour or prefer) at this link in the Gifts of Difference a FREE Coach Adventure inside Loving Difference which is free to become a member at www.lovingdifference.net.

How does this resonate for any of you?

What are you judging yourself harshly for because at some point someone else judged it harshly in you? What if this is a doorway to a gift if you could begin to embrace it!

If you’ve thought of something you’d like to work through with my support, book a complimentary call to discuss how private coaching can assist you to make the changes you desire or access support from me and other travel companions right now via Coaching in Community, with transformational and surprisingly fun coaching adventures that support your step by steps to reverse the impact of unknown neurodiversity, be YOU again and flourish – in your relationships and your life.

With love and sparkle..

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ps. I still can’t remember what it was I said I’d do! I’ll let it go!

Photo credit: Forget-Me-Nots – Suzy Hazelwood via Pexels

 

Natalie Roberts

Author Natalie Roberts

Natalie Roberts is an award-winning Master Coach and Mentor supporting individuals and couples in neurodiverse relationships in the UK and around the world. She coaches individuals and couples to reverse the impact of unknown neurodiversity and thrive so that they can be true to themselves and feel empowered to make decisions about their present and future that are positive and hopeful.

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