Welcome back..
Thought I’d share where I’m at and how my own continued learning and growing are supporting me and having ripple effects in my experience of my neurodiverse relationship too.
Some seasons of recovery and growth are short and others seem to go on forever! I find myself beginning to emerge from a particularly long Winter season in my life which began when Covid arrived. Autumn was quick and then a Winter set in that felt heavy and unending. There were joyful moments inside of it and more growth that I resisted until I remembered that acceptance is the only way to begin to move through. This last month has shown me signs of Spring again!
The path ahead of me as I walked yesterday (the photo at the top of this post) reminded me of this week I’ve had and, zoomed out from this micro to the macro, the kind of path we’re all navigating, with stretches filled with light AND shade at the same time, much shadier stages and times of light and refreshment too… I rested for some time on the bench in the sunshine, admiring the view.
I returned from a holiday last week filled up and buoyant. Pete and I have found a new way for reconnecting when I’ve been away and it worked a treat so that was feeling great too! At the same time, this week has had significant ups and downs in our family as we navigate my son’s transgender journey and where all of us are at with these changes. In the past, my holiday would have soon felt like a long distant memory as I begin to drown in the situations that come up and everyone’s feelings and opinions about them.
As I walked yesterday, I noticed I was hosting and holding space for all manner of feelings. Rather than drown me, I could observe them, like guests. We rarely experience only one feeling or emotion and we’ve not been taught well, if at all, how to carry that and be well with it. E-motions or ‘energy in motion’ are just that, energy, that arrives as feelings/sensations, that we can be with, host and release. We don’t even have to label them with emotional labels from our head or analyse them if we don’t want to. Sometimes that’s helpful, though not always. There are no good or bad ones either which was revolutionary and significantly changed my relationship with my emotional experience almost overnight!
Yesterday, I noticed I was holding on to the sparkle from my holiday, recycling the energy of happy memories, feeling angry, sad and confused about something Pete had said the day before and that I’d needed to walk away from, disappointment that a connection between my children hadn’t gone well after both of them are trying hard to relate to each other at the moment, wanting to find a relationship and struggling with that, uncertainty about whether a family meal in the evening will go ahead in light of the previous day/evening’s events, excited for my best friend who was heading off for a much-needed night away with her wife, uplifted from walking in the sunshine, satisfying my fidget needs by twirling between my fingers my first two freshly fallen conkers from this season….. lots of feelings and they didn’t overwhelm me, I could be with each of them.
My anger release playlist and some air-drumming had helped diffuse the anger feelings as I walked and connecting with clients and friends whilst sitting on the bench allowed unwanted energy to be released and replaced with something else.
It seems all of us at home are finding our own ways to shelve what can’t be solved immediately and still show up the best we can to what we can do. Dinner out went ahead with some gentle check-ins with everyone by Theo who was the one who made the initial invitation, which of itself was a big step from the week before. Recovering from these kinds of situations used to take us days, maybe weeks, and now we’re managing it in hours rather than days, when we take the time and space we need to listen, attend to ourselves, reach out beyond our family circle for support and trust that we’re all doing the best we can with the resources we have at the time. The big and challenging issues aren’t all sorted and my children have decided to go back a step with their relationship and try a different route, find a new next step that isn’t known yet. Pete and I are also navigating what we have different opinions about. Day by day. One step at a time.
How light or shady is your path just now? What/who/where/when are your benches to rest and refresh yourself for what’s next in front of you on the path?
Book a call to discuss how I can assist you to make the changes you desire or access support from me and other travel companions join Loving Difference, with transformational and surprisingly fun coaching adventures that support your step by steps to reverse the impact of unknown neurodiversity, be YOU again and flourish – in your relationships and your life
With love and sparkle..
